


'Til the End of the Line

by Fayaheda



Series: Stucky Collection [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America: The First Avenger - Fandom, captain america: civil war - Fandom, captain america: the winter soldier - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends to Lovers, Confused Tony Stark, Evil James Rhones, Ex-Winter Soldier Bucky, F/M, Female James "Bucky" Barnes, Flashbacks, Fluff, Mental Abuse Recovery, Mild Language, Physical Abuse Recovery - Freeform, girl Bucky, maybe Triggers, memory erasing, with consent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-07-29 10:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7681357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayaheda/pseuds/Fayaheda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And we will deal with it. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, remember? Can't get rid of me that easily." Steve grins when she actually smiles and slides an arm around the back of her shoulders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Til the End of the Line

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my newish obsession. I physically could not help myself. And I fecking adore and ship Stucky in any way, shape or form.
> 
> Let me know your thoughts?
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Bucky has routine, now.

She gets up in the mornings, around the crack of dawn. She has a quick shower, ties her hair back, pulls on some sweatpants and a tank top before going off for her thirty mile run with Steve. After that, they've barely even broken a sweat, but have managed to work up a massive appetite, all the while, pissing Sam off to no end. Well, it's Steve who shovels down his food like a starved man in a poor country, while Bucky mostly just sits there and watches and also listens to him telling her to eat something. And when they're almost done, Sam finally pants his way into the main kitchen, the Avengers all share.

It's the same thing, everyday. But Bucky likes it. It keeps her focused. But more importantly, it keeps her from remembering all over again.

And of course, they are still the Avengers, so there is obviously the occasional threat they have to deal with. But it's always the same, no matter how close they come to the end, they always manage to pull together and beat their enemies back by tenfold.

However, Bucky is thankful for the violence, frankly. Though, she'll probably never tell even Steve that. She thinks if she did, he would understand, because that's just Steve, he's just the sweetest guy you could ever hope to meet. It's not the telling him part that makes her hesitate. It's the fact that she needs violence in her life now. She's not Bucky anymore, not really, not the Bucky that Steve once knew, that she once knew.

She's a soldier now, an ex-Winter Soldier, but a soldier nonetheless. She's built for violence and killing and all the other harassment of reality. And quite literally since she gained her metal limb. 

But that's... That's okay. She thinks it has to be, because there's nothing she can do about that.

All she can do now is at least try to earn back the world's trust, one good deed at a time.

+

And then, sometimes, there are still those nights every now and again that just plain, old suck.

She's having another nightmare, she knows it. This time, she's even half awake. Her eyes are closed, but she thinks she can actually feel herself wriggling about in her bed.

"No... Please... Don't... I won't... I won't do it again! You can't make me!!"

But of course, they can. They can and they will. They always do. No matter how hard she fights. She's just never strong enough. At least, not when it really counts.

"Zhelaniye... Rzhavet... Semnadtsat..."

"Mmmnnoo!!"

"Rassvet... Pech... Deyyat..."

"P-please..."

"Dobrokachestyennaya... Vazvrashcheniye domoy... Odin..."

"NO!!"

+

Steve bolts upright in his bed and darts right out of his room, because damn it, he knew he could hear something. He knows he has superhuman hearing, yet he doesn't know why he frequently forgets, even after all these years.

+

"Gruzovoy avtomobil,"

"No, no, no, no!!"

"Gruzovoy avtomobil,"

By the time Steve rushes down one flight of stairs and finally breaks into her apartment, smashing up (Tony's) door in the process, Bucky's screaming the whole apartment down and Steve wonders just the how the heck no one else hears anything, Vision, especially.

"Bucky," Steve rushes to her side, slightly wary of waking the ex-Winter Soldier up. However, the pained and frightened look on her face is enough to make his heart break. "Bucky," He reaches down, tries to shake her gently by the shoulders even as she tries to wriggle desperately free from his firm grasp. "Bucky, wake up."

"Gruzovoy avtomobil."

And then, she suddenly goes completely limp, looks peaceful even, and, oh... Oh... Shit! No!

Steve's eyes widen, his heart racing in preparation and he tries to back away, but it's too late...

"Gotovy soblyudat." Bucky mutters the words under her breath, because she's still technically asleep.

"No, no, Bucky -"

Bucky bolts upright in her bed, her metal arm flying up and her fingers suddenly wrapped tightly around the Captain's neck.

"Bucky, wake up!" Steve presses a punch to her left cheek. He instantly feels guilty about it and though, she doesn't flinch a bit, it works like a God damn charm.

Bucky's bright, iron-blue eyes snap open, but she doesn't blink and her gaze is both vacant and somehow determined.

"Bucky, stop, I'm -" Steve begins to choke a little as her grip tightens at his words.

"You're my mission." Bucky cuts him off with ice, cold words, her eyes now narrowing.

"No, you've got a new mission, remember?" Steve talks quickly, while trying not to choke to fucking death. "Get better, save the world, be better." He sees her thinking it over and quickly adds, "And you're doing so well, Bucky."

Bucky glares at him, then asks, "Why do you keep calling me 'Bucky'?"

Steve grabs her metal wrists with both hands and finally uses all of his strength to prise her fingers off of his throat.

Bucky is shocked by his power, but it doesn't deter her and predictably, she goes in for another strike.

However, this time, Steve catches her metal wrist and grasps it tightly. He raises his other hand and sighs guiltily before smacking her hard across the face.

The force is hard enough to jolt her face to the side, but it's thankfully also enough to finally wake her the fuck up.

Steve watches her warily for a moment before he huffs out an apology.

"No, it's okay." Bucky blinks wildly for a moment, trying to wake herself up properly. "I told you to do it."

"Well, yeah," Steve huffs again, frowning. "But that doesn't mean I ever wanted to."

Bucky takes a deep breath, finally willing herself to look at him and assess the damage. She flinches slightly when she sees the red imprints of her metal fingers around his throat.

"It's fine." Steve says before she can say she's sorry. Besides, he already knows she's sorry. "It'll heal in a minute."

"Still... Doesn't mean I ever wanted to." Bucky manages a small smile.

And Steve can't help smiling back at the small part of the old Bucky he sees in that small moment. It's only small, sure, but Steve knows things take time, healing takes time. And he also knows that she'll get there, eventually.

+

"So, how long do you think it'll take?" Bucky asks as she sits down on the coffee table.

"The mind is a very complex and fragile thing." Vision explains.

Wanda nods, walking over to stand in front of the supersoldier. "I can't just wipe you clean, not without wiping your entire memory. We have to do it one bad memory at a time."

"Okay." Bucky nods. This isn't her first time. "Okay, I'm ready, do it."

"I'll be right here." Steve says, coming to stand beside her. He places a hand on her shoulder and smiles to himself when he feels her relax under his touch.

Bucky takes a deep breath and closes her eyes just as the Scarlett Witch's red magic begins to wind around her hands.

Vision stands close by, watching silently.

Bucky feels when the magic slowly begins to worm its way through her skull and into her brain, branching out and latching on. But each time Wanda delves into her mind, Bucky, too, has to relive every single memory just one last time before it's permanently removed. And it's a small price to pay, but it's worth it. Even if grim...

Wanda digs deeper and Bucky sees one of her first missions playing out behind her eyelids...

"You are ordered to infiltrate and exterminate everyone in that building, do you understand?"

"But, sir, the children -"

Even Wanda flinches at the hard smack to the face the Winter Soldier receives and both Steve and Vision look rather concerned.

"Do you understand, soldier?"

Bucky straightens up, bites back the urge to lurch forward and just snap his neck. It would do her no favours, only make her feel better for a few moments. "Yes, sir."

And then, Bucky begins to shake, while in her mind the memories of that night only worsen...

"PLEASE! MY BABY, PLEASE, NO! PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU!!!"

From behind Bucky's mask covered face, she shoves away all emotion as she raises her firearm to that little boy's forehead and doesn't even hesitate to shoot...

Wanda feels her shame through her thoughts and smiles sadly to herself as she finally destroys the memories altogether.

Steve looks slightly relieved at the rather calm look on his best friend's face.

Wanda balls up her fingers into fists and with it, her scarlet magic vanishes from her hands.

A few moments later, Bucky opens her eyes, and blinks wildly up at the mutant witch. However, when she sees the younger woman's horror filled expression, her heart races.

"What?" Steve frowns, looks slightly dreaded.

Vision already knows, because the guy pretty much knows everything. "I believe miss Barnes memories were a little too much for Wanda tonight."

Wanda nods, quickly (barely) managing to pull herself together. "I, I'm sorry, I, um, I have, to go..."

She trails off and Bucky watches miserably as she all, but runs out of the room.

"She will be fine." Vision promises, offering Bucky a genuine smile. "Just give her a little time. That goes for you, as well, miss Barnes."

"Yeah." Bucky mutters under her breath, shrugs Steve's hand from her shoulder before storming off back to her apartment.

Steve gives a curt nod towards Vision before going after her. "Bucky, wait!" He catches up to her easily just as she reaches the elevator.

"Just leave me alone, Steve." Bucky says, but with no real malice or even real energy as she stares gloomily at the elevator door.

"You know I can't do that."

Bucky scoffs, turns her head to glare at him. "And why the hell not!?"

"Because you're my best friend, and I know that you would do the same for me." Steve says, shoots her a look as if she should know that, and she should, he thinks. At least, after all the crap they've been through.

Bucky huffs, annoyed, because she knows it's true. "It's just..." She shakes her head and turns her head back to the elevator door to hide her brimming tears. "You saw what just happened."

"I did."

"I'm not sure any of us thought this through. Whatever she saw, I can guarantee there's a lot worse to come."

"And we will deal with it. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, remember? Can't get rid of me that easily." Steve grins when she actually smiles and slides an arm around the back of her shoulders.

Bucky's smile widens slightly as she slides and arm around his waist. And if it were the other way around with him sliding an arm around her waist and her sliding an arm around his tiny waist, it would really be like old times.

And that's just, well, Bucky thinks that's just swell.


	2. My Name is Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "My name is Bucky." She shoots him a deadpan look.

"Rapport de mission. [Mission report.]"

The Winter Soldier slowly lifts her head, still panting from the last re-indoctrination. There's been so many in the last couple of decades, she's simply lost the desire to count.

"Rapport de mission." Her handle; Pierre Chow, her third handler (she killed the last two) is a lot sterner with her, a lot more hard to crack.

But he will. They always do. And that's something to keep her going, she figures.

Bucky lets out a sigh before raising her head to look at him. "Mission accomplie, monsieur. Les treize cibles éliminés. [Mission accomplished, sir. All thirteen targets eliminated.]"

"Tout le reste, soldat? [Anything else, soldier?]"

Bucky nods slowly, her mind elsewhere, even as she replies. "J'ai eu rêve. [I had a dream.]"

"Les soldats ne sont pas des rêves. Ils ont des orders. [Soldiers do not have dreams. They have orders.]" Chow grunts out, clearly displeased as he glares down at her.

"J'ai eu rêve." Bucky says, staring determinedly back up at him. "Je vis les plus brillants yeux bleus. [I saw the brightest blue eyes.]" She smiles faintly to herself, her eyes clouding over slightly. "Et les cheveux d'or. [And golden hair.]"

Before she can say another word about it, however, Chow sends a harsh slap to her face.

And Bucky snaps, like she does, sometimes, and grabs her handler by the throat with snarl ripping from her lips.

All at once, the guards flock towards her, but Chow shouts for them to halt. He glares back at her, grabbing her throat in return, even though he knows she barely feels it. "Baissez , soldat, ou vous le regretterez. [Stand down, soldier, or you will regret it.]" He says with not one once of fear.

Which defeats the purpose really, so like the good soldier she is, she does as she's told.

But she does it with sass, obviously.

Bucky brings him in close, her face barely an inch from his and all, but sneers out the words, "J'ai déjà fait. [I already do.]"

Chow lets out a cough when she finally lets him go and just for good measure, he sends another harsh slap to her face before letting her throat go. "Essuyez elle et sa préparation pour la prochaine mission. [Wipe her and prep her for the next mission.]"

Bucky glares murderously up at her handler as the doctors shove her back into the dreaded chair.

Bucky's heart races, but she continues to glare, defiance on her steely, blue gaze.

Bucky then screams. She doesn't want to, isn't afraid, just angry at herself for giving into the pain so easily. After all, she's a fucking supersoldier.

Bucky screams, and screams, and along with her Wanda begins to cry out with her, sharing her pain as she tries to tug it free from the soldier's mind and destroy it once and for all.

"Wanda," Vision floats quickly over to her.

"No, don't!" Wanda exclaims.

"But you are in pain." Vision states the fricking obvious and looks about as helpful as Steve as he clutches Bucky's shoulders to lee her still.

"I'm almost done." Wanda says, voice strained as her scarlet magic flashes and explodes around her scarlet-glowed aura.

And then, it ceases altogether, Wanda stumbles back slightly, while Vision steadies her and Bucky falls limp in Steve's grasp.

"What happened?" Steve demands. "Are you okay? Is she -"

"I'm fine. And she will be, too." Wanda promises as she finally catches her breath. "I finally managed to erase the trigger words." She says seriously, then, with a roll of her eyes, adds, "It only took two and half weeks and a shit load of vodka courage."

Steve can't help smiling, both at her words and the fact that Bucky no longer remembers her trigger words to activate the Winter Soldier laying (hopefully) eternally dormant within her.

"Well, thank you." Steve says, and like everything he says, he means it from the bottom of his heart. "Seriously, thank you for doing this for her. She doesn't exactly have a lot of other options to explore."

"Well, I'm doing it as a favour to you, really." Wanda says, looks rather warily over at the ex-Winter Soldier. "But your friend's fate was not up to her." She adds, and shoots the Captain a look of understanding.

"Steve?" Bucky mumbles, finally moving and then, opening her eyes and blinking up at him in confusion.

"You okay?" Steve asks, concern filling his features as he kneels down in front of her.

"Same time tomorrow, Jamie." Wanda says as she grabs Vision's wrist and pulls him towards Steve's front door. "Good night, Captain." She adds as the J.A.R.V.I.S closes the door behind them.

"I hate it when she calls me that." Bucky grumbles groggily.

"What, your name?" Steve asks with a chuckle as he moves to sit on the end of her bed, beside her.

"My name is Bucky." She shoots him a deadpan look.

Steve chuckles, shakes his head before his expression takes on concern again. "How're you doing, Buck?"

"Y'mean besides the night terrors, the flashbacks and the migraines I get whenever little Red pokes around my brain?" Bucky asks, wears a small, buy clearly amused grin.

Steve doesn't find any of that amusing, but curse Bucky, she could always make him smile and laugh, no matter what.

Bucky sighs tiredly, then finally gives hin a proper answer, because she knows he will never rest until he knows she's, at least, okay, if not, better. She was always like that, too, but only with certain people, like her family or just Steve really. But Steve, he was always different, always better than her where it counted the most.

"Actually," Bucky pauses, a small, but genuinely happy smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Right now, I'm good."

"You are?" Steve sounds wary, but looks slightly sceptically, albeit, unwarily. Bless his perfect soul.

Bucky's smile widens slightly as she nods. "I figure that the only reason they had to brainwash me so often was because I kept remembering you."

Steve's eyes widen slightly, and he looks surprised mostly.

"That's why when I saw you again, when we fought under that bridge, and when you called me 'Bucky', I..." Bucky huffs, frustrated at not being to explain herself properly.

"It's okay. Take your time." Steve says, voice soft and hands gentle as he clasps hers in his own.

Bucky lets out a shaky breath. "The only way to describe it is when you forget something you were certain you were just thinking about in the back of your mind, but then, no matter how hard you immediately try to remember, it always floats just out of your reach."

"I know what you mean, yeah." Steve nods, because of course he does.

Surely everyone does at some point in their life, dont they?

"I don't even know why I pulled you out of the water." Bucky says, looks confused as she tries to think back. "I just knew that I had to. The thought of just leaving you there," She shudders slightly, unable to finish her sentence.

Steve feels the familiar warmth at her words, the same warmth he felt whenever she used to give him her little pep talks, or whenever she used to beat the crap out of the bullies that were beating the crap out of him.

"You'll get through this, Buck." Steve tells her, and he believes in every single word he says as he raps an arm around her waist and pulls her close. "You just need to give yourself time to heal."

"How much time?" Bucky asks, voice barely above a whisper as she wraps her arms around his waist in return and presses a cheek to his warm, and exceptionally rock hard chest. She gulps, closes her eyes and takes in his familiar, comforting scent, and somehow he still smells like baby powder even under that awful, what she can only guess is modern day cologne.

"I don't know." Steve tells her, is honest with her, like always, and with pretty much anyone anyway. That's just Steve, though. "But even us supersoldiers need time to recuperate."

Bucky smiles to herself, sighs contently at their wonderful embrace. "All that really matters to me is that I'm with you, punk."

Steve literally can't help the grin that secretly lights up pretty much his entire face. "Told you already, didn't I, jerk?" He chirps, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. "You can't get rid of me that easily."


	3. Phony Sentimentality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moments of doubt. Moments of weakness. Moments of phoney sentimentality.

"Sứ mệnh báo cáo. [Mission report.]"

The Winter Soldier looks up at her fourth handler, and as usual gives attitude as she answers venomously. "Nhiệm vụ hoàn thành , thưa ông. Tất cả hai mươi lăm mục tiêu loại bỏ. [Mission accomplished, sir. All twenty-five targets eliminated.]"

...

"Raportul de misiune."

The Winter Soldier glares up at her fifth handler, but doesn't bother to sass anymore when she answers. "Misiune îndeplinită , d-le. Toate cincizeci și două ținte eliminate. [Mission accomplished, sir. All fifty-two targets eliminated.]"

...

"Görev raporu."

The Winter Soldier looks up at her sixth handler, and by her fourth decade, she barely even remembers why the heck she used to give them attitude in the first place as she tiredly pants out her answer. "Misyon , efendim yapılıyordu. Tüm doksan sekiz hedefleri ortadan kaldırmıştır. [Mission accomplished, sir. All ninety-eight targets eliminated.]"

...

"Mission report."

"That's enough, Wanda." Steve finally has to speak his concern when he sees Bucky shaking again.

The Winter Soldier stares vacantly up at her seventh handler as she pants her answer out.

"She's fine." Wanda insists, even as she strains her words a little.

"Mission accomplished, sir. Target eliminated."

And that is when Wanda is suddenly sent flying across the room, crashing harshly into the opposite wall.

Vision is beside her within a split second, helping her to stand as she lets out a achy groan.

"That was not fun." Wanda mutters.

"Are you okay?" Vision looks terribly concerned, but that's nothing new, really.

"I'm fine, Vis." Wanda shoots him a reassuring smile.

"What the hell just happened!? Is Bucky okay!?" Steve all, but exclaims as he kneels in front of her.

"She's -"

"I'm okay." Bucky speaks up, clears her throat and offers her best friend a small, but assuring smile.

"Well... Good." Steve huffs.

Bucky really can't help grinning lightly, clearly amused.

"I tried to take more than I could handle. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." Wanda says, sincerity genuine in her expression.

"It's fine. Didn't hurt me none." Bucky shrugs, smiles loosely.

Steve smiles.

Wanda smirks, shooting the almost centuries old, young woman. "Well, it's the weekend tomorrow, and Tony insists on throwing my dead brother a birthday party,"

"I think he just grasps at any opportunity to get drunk." Steve notes with a disapproving shake of his head.

"Of course." Wanda chuckles, nodding on agreement. "Anyway, we'll take a break until Monday."

Bucky nods, even manages a small, but grateful smile. "No problem."

+

"People are gonna die, Buck."

She knows that. She doesn't care about that. All she cares about is her mission.

"I can't let that happen."

She stands there, just stares back at him, just waits for him to come to her. This is her fight, not his. Her mission, not his.

"Please don't make me do this."

She's almost intrigued by the blatant begging in his tone, because he really does look like he knows her, but that's impossible. She's almost surprised and a little confused at why this great warrior of good is begging her right now.

Almost.

Steve takes a deep breath, then, then, when she doesn't react in the slightest to his words. He steels himself, levels his eyes with hers and once more, becomes Captain America.

He throws the shield first, and she predicts it, brings up her metal arm just in time and it goes flying back to him like a boomerang.

She's ready for him, this time.

Only, she's not.

She just thought she was.

At the bridge, he put up a good fight, and she almost had him. If it weren't for his stupid friends.

She thought they were equal, maybe that she was just a little bit better.

But no.

He's better than her.

She realises he was holding back under that bridge, because he's smart, she knows, he wanted to know the enemy before he eliminates it, her

And even more, right now as they fight, as she lets out an angry snarl as shoves them both over the railing, she realises that he's still holding back, that he doesn't want to kill her.

They fall again, and again, and when they're finally grounded on the glass, she tosses the shield. It knocks him over, but annoyingly, he recovers it just in time to avoid her gunshots.

She stabs him in the shoulder and something, she doesn't know what, but something stirs uneasily within her when she hears him cry out in pain.

He shoves her away, rips the blade from his flesh and tosses it aside.

She makes a dash for the chip, grabbing it just in time. And she knows it's too late, knows she already failing, knows that he will win, because, because...

She wants him to.

However, it's still deep in her mind, still brainwashed into her, beaten into her.

The Winter Soldier.

The soldier holds on tight, even when he grabs her by the throat and tosses her to the glass at his feet. Not even when he twists her arm behind her.

"Drop it!" He exclaims, somewhat begs.

She glares over her shoulder right back up at him, defiant as ever, even when she wasn't the Winter Soldier.

"Drop it!!"

She snarls, and only serves to tighten her grip.

And not even when he breaks her fleshy arm.

Though, she does yell out in pain, and almost swears she sees guilt in his bright, blue eyes.

Bright, blue eyes...

She lets out another snarl, clearly letting him know she's not letting go.

He finally flips her forward and slides an arm around her neck, and of course, she latches onto him with her metal arm. He simply pries it off of him and slides his legs around her, stopping her from moving altogether.

It only takes a few seconds, and when she finally comes back around, she's deeply annoyed to find him climbing his way back up.

She fires, again and again.

She hits him, again and again.

But she hadn't realised...

Just how magnificent he really is.

Bucky feels it, she thinks she does, but the Winter Soldier is there to shut her down, like she always is in these moments.

Moments of doubt. Moments of weakness. Moments of phoney sentimentality.

He does it, completes his own mission, and defeats her own.

But she wants him to.

She thinks.

She... Hopes?

She doesn't fucking know anymore!

It's over then. And in her loss of thought, she doesn't see the huge, metal beam fall upon her.

He must hear her scream out, because the next thing she knows, he's right beside her, lifting the beem off of her.

The soldier shoots him a confused look ss she pants and sways on her feet.

"You know me."

She's doesn't know what to feel. She feels too much at once. So she picks the easiest.

"No, I don't!"

She chooses anger and then, chooses to punch him with het metal fist.

"Bucky," His voice is blatantly pleading now, it does hurtful things to her heart. "You've known me your whole life." He says, breathing heavily from their fight, and from probably bleeding out.

Bucky - the Winter Soldier only glares at him as everything crashes and burns and falls around them.

"Your name is Jamie Buchannan Barnes."

He looks her right in the eye and she chooses anger again and sends another punch to his face.

He takes it, which confuses her. And then, he confuses her even more and shocks her when finally takes his mask off.

"Et les cheveux d'or. [And golden hair.]"

"I'm not gonna fight you anymore."

She wants to glare, but he's still confusing her when he drops the shield and it falls through broken glass, lost to the smoke and flames, most probably.

"You're my best friend, Buck."

He says it with so much conviction, so much love and familiarity, that it overwhelms her all too quickly and she chooses anger again, always anger.

This time, she barges her tiny frame into his, sends him onto his back and straddles his waist.

"You're my mission." The Winter Soldier snarls down at him, then punches him as hard as she can.

"YOU'RE,"

Punch.

"MY,"

Punch.

"MISSION!!"

Even harder punch.

His eyes finally meet hers when she seems to hesitate. "Then, finish it. 'Cause I'm with you 'til the end of the line."

And why? Why the fuck did he have to say THAT!?

"This is the end of the line!" The Winter Soldier snarls, then -

Wait, what!?

No!!!

"NO!!"

"Bucky!?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else effing loves that scene!?


	4. Nobody's Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nobody's perfect."

"No!! Steve!! No!!"

Steve's rushes into her room and all, but leaps onto the bed. He hovers over her legs so that he doesn't trap her legs underneath, making her panic all the more, and grabs both her shoulders, pulling her to sit up with him.

"No -"

"Bucky -"

"No!!"

"Bucky!!" Steve gives her a hard shake, breathing out a loud sigh of relief when her eyes snap open.

"St-Steve?"

Steve looks slightly confused when she looks up at him like she's seeing the fricking Sun for the first time or something.

"Bucky, what -"

"I'm so sorry." To which, Bucky only seems to break down in tears.

Finally, Steve thinks, knows it's been a long time coming now.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay." Steve slides his arms around her, pulls her to into his lap, just like he used to on those boring (not so boring to him) Sundays. "It was just a nightmare."

"No," Bucky shakes her head, pulls back to look up at him, tears slowly rolling down her face. "I'm sorry, Stevie."

Steve is slightly confused again.

"I let them take me. I let them inside my head... Let them make me one of them... Again, and again..." Bucky says, words barely above a quivering whisper.

Them, being HYDRA, he knows. He also, definitely knows that -

"Bucky, no -"

Steve shakes his head, but Bucky nods furiously, defiantly, as she says, "I gave up, Steve. I let them take everything. I let them take it all; my parents, Howard, Peggy, the Howling Commandos," Her eyes well up even more as she slowly reaches her fleshy hand up to touch his face. "I even let them get to you."

And Steve's heart just clenches and somehow breaks a little more each time she speaks.

"You're still Bucky." And Steve absolutely stands by that statement.

"Am I?" Bucky doesn't look all that convinced as she holds up he'd metal arm. "Look at me... Look at what they did to me... And this is just the outside..."

"Stop." Steve grabs both her hands in his own and shoots her a stern look. "Don't be silly, Buck, you're beautiful. You always have been and you always will be."

Any other time, Bucky would probably (secretly in her head anyway) swoon over his lovely words.

"I remember everything." She says, still crying and clinging to his shirt for dear life. "But the old memories are mixed in with the new ones and it's all like some horrible nightmare I'm waiting to wake up from. I don't know who I am anymore, but I do know that I'm not Bucky anymore. Not... Your Bucky."

"I know who you." Steve gently tugs her hands free of his shirt and laces his fingers through her own. "I love who you are."

Bucky squeezes his fingers automatically, her throat starting to tighten at the intense way he's looking at her. She also knows he can probably hear her heart begin to race a little, but she also doesn't care.

"And I don't give a shit about what anybody else thinks." Steve says without any hesitation whatsoever.

"Language." Because Bucky really cannot help herself.

To which, Steve really can't help chuckling.

There she is, he thinks, his Bucky.

+

"I really don't like this." Bucky scowls, arms folded over her chest.

Natasha huffs and rolls her eyes. "Yes, well, I kinda already guessed that would be your reaction. Which is why I decided to skip the shopping and just bring the clothes to you instead." The superspy explains as she takes her time going through the large, portable dress rack.

"Why do I have to wear a dress?" Bucky almost whines.

"Because it's a party." Natasha says, likes it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Bucky eyes her suspiciously. "Why do I feel like you're not letting me in on your real agenda?"

Natasha scoffs and smirks as she swirls around the face the supersoldier. "Don't try to change the subject. The Cap said you used to love getting dressed up back in the old days."

Bucky groans. "And there it is."

"What?" Natasha's smirk widens, because of course she knows and of course she's just trying to tease.

"You trying to set me up with my best friend?" Bucky asks, but of course she doesn't really need an answer, already knows.

Natasha may be smart, beyond normal human capability, but so is Bucky, and probably even more so.

"Of course, but that's beside the point." Natasha says.

Bucky glares at her. "Not happening."

"And why not?" Natasha asks, folding her arms over her chest, mirroring the supersoldier's stance. 

Bucky tries to come up with a real reason, but finds in that moment, she really can't.

"Come on, Bucky, I've seen the way he looks at you all dreamy-eyed when he thinks no one else is looking." Natasha says, grinning absurdly.

Bucky frowns at that.

How come she never noticed?

"You love him, too, I know that much. Otherwise you would have killed him or you would have at least left him for dead." Natasha says, her voice more serious now, almost caring, even.

"Why're you doing this? Why're you being nice to me?" Bucky asks, looks positively miserable as she does. "I tried to kill you, too. Three times."

Natasha shrugs. "And we all tried to kill each other just a few years ago. Do you remember that?" She asks, points a perfectly shaped, red brow.

Bucky almost smiles at that, because, fair point, she thinks.

"Nobody's perfect."

Bucky actually does smile that time. "That's what Peggy used to say."

Natasha smiles, then with genuine intrigue, asks, "Were you two close?"

"A little." Bucky says. "Not as close as she was to Steve, and not as close as I was to Howard." She smiles sadly, trying to ignore the image of her shooting he and his wife down. "I think he loved her."

"But he had both your pictures on him when Fury found him." Natasha says, doesn't know why, but feels like she needs to comfort the poor, almost century old woman. "He's always had a soft spot for you, I can see it in his eyes whenever I say your name."

Bucky can't help smiling to herself upon hearing that, her belly fizzing warmly, too.

"And trust me, I accelerate in human social behaviour and communication. Plus, I'm pretty intuitive, too. Which helps." Natasha airs, smirking lightly when the ex-Winter Soldier shoots her a slightly withering look. "Anyway, what about you and Howard?"

Bucky wrinkles her nose when the stunning superspy wiggles her brows in a clearly suggestive manor. "No. We were just friends, thank you. And even if we weren't, I would not be telling you about it." She replies rather snootily.

"And why the hell not!?" Natasha whines, evan pouts a little.

"I wouldn't be telling anybody!" Bucky barks, sending the young woman a disapproving look. "Thanks, but no thanks. A lady never kisses and tells."

"Like you never told Steve? Your best friend?" Natasha scoffs, finds it very hard to believe.

"I told him about it, but I never gave details." Bucky says, scowling again. "It wasn't proper in those days."

Are they even seriously fricking having this conversation!?

"Really?" Natasha scoffs. "Well, that's totally boring. Come on, share."

"Okay, I can't believe I have to say this, and I'm only gonna say it once, but PLEASE stop talking about my non-existent sex life."

"I'm not talking about now. I heard you were quite the head-turner." Natasha grins.

"You saying I'm not anymore?" Bucky narrows her eyes.

Natasha's grin only widens. "Well, you could do with a hair cut and some moisturiser and just, just your entire face, really."

Even if Bucky is glad she doesn't mention the metal arm, she can't help glaring. "What's wrong with my face!?"

"Nothing. You're a very attractive woman. It's just that, well, I'm guessing that HYDRA never let you have any girly time."

"I didn't really need a makeover when I was killing people." Bucky deadpans.

Natasha shoots her a withering look. "Fair enough. However, it's happening. And you're wearing a dress. So stop whining like a little bitch. You're a supersoldier, not a annoying high school girl."

However, Bucky still doesn't like this.

Even if the stupid idea of getting dressed up all purdy for Steve makes her want to smile.

And it is a stupid idea...

Stupid Natasha!


	5. My Best Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Nope." Steve smiles pleasantly as he calmly states, "I'm gonna go dance with my best girl."

Bucky almost doesn't recognise herself. Only, it's the her lately that she doesn't recognise. Because when she stares at herself in the full-length mirror in her bedroom, she sees the old Bucky staring back at her. And she smiles to herself, really rather happy about that.

Thanks to Natasha practically begging her, she's dressed silky, baby blue - which Natasha insisted brings out her eyes - cocktail dress. It's simple, and much to Bucky's appreciation, it reaches just passed her knees. However, it's a strapless number, which means that not only is her vibranium (thanks to the ever forgiving Tony) arm on show, but so is her entire shoulder.

And when Bucky's eyes drift downwards towards it, her smile instantly drops. And even the red lipstick and the lovely new haircut can bring her smile back.

"Wow."

Bucky swirls around to glare at the redhead. "How'd you sneak up on me like that?" She grumbles out.

Natasha smirks as she simply replies, "Superspy; supercreeper."

Bucky scowls, not really all that bothered. Well, not by Natasha's scarily impressive skills.

"What's with the face? You're gonna ruin your makeup." Natasha starts off with a smile to lighten the mood, but shows her through expression that she's concerned.

Bucky shrugs, her throat aching as she clams up, feels slightly embarrassed.

"It's the arm, right?" Natasha asks lightly.

Bucky gulps, but nods, glares at her blue pumps that match her dress.

"Well, I don't what you're complaining for, I mean, I'm not into women, but Steve really wasn't lying about you." Natasha grins cheekily as she practically ogles the supersoldier's perfect physique. "Damn, you two are literally a match made in Heaven... Or... Y'know... In a science lab anyway."

At that, Bucky manages a sour smile, but it's still a smile, so she counts it. "Look at me, Nat." She motions to her arm. "I can't go anywhere, apart from a fricking Halloween party looking like this."

"Oh, no! You are not backing out of this! Especially not after I made you sexy, no way!" Natasha huffs as she stalks over to the dresser and slips on her earrings, while glaring over at the soldier. "Steve will be there. He's expecting you to be there, too. And when he sees you, I can assure you that he's going to have best kind of heart attack there is to have, okay?"

+

It's official, Bucky hates Natasha. But it's only because she's right.

Steve's eyes are wide, Bucky can see that much from across Tony's large living area, and through all the masses of people. But Bucky hasn't even had the time to talk to him, because a rather drunk Tony and Wanda pull her up onto the dance floor immediately upon her arrival.

And unpredictably, that's where Bucky stays for the next two hours, or so.  
Bucky's never felt more alive, more free. Plus, she almost forgot just how much she loves dancing.

"Okay, okay, sweet thing!" Tony smirks at her, dressed in his iron suit, all but covering his face. "Let's put on some old school tunes and you can show me what you really got, huh?"

"Is that a challenge, Stark?" Bucky raises a brow and grins.

She's still sober, which will forever be the worst thing about being a supersoldier, but she's actually having a good time.

Maybe she should thank Wanda somehow, she thinks briefly as a familiar old tune of hers and Steve's time suddenly vibrates through the large speakers.

"May I?" Tony asks, holds his hands out to her.

Bucky smirks and grabs his hands. She hauls him in close, so he's pressed up against her, and her smirk widens when his eyes widen in surprise.

"No using superpowers. That's cheating." Tony says through a smirk of his own. He claps one hand in his and places his other on her waist.

Bucky's smirk widens a little more. "Can't really help it." She says as they start to jive and glide across the dance floor together.

"Not bad, Barnes." Tony says, clearly impressed with her moves. He grins. "Not bad at all."

"Guess I'm just naturally graceful." Bucky says, a little bit of her old self beginning to peak through as she flirtatiously adds, "You're not so bad yourself, Stark. And here I thought you might still hate me."

Tony's got to know the supersoldier quite well in the last year or so, so even under the flirty smile, he can hear the genuine guilt behind her words. "I don't hate you."

Bucky arches a brow up at him as they continue to dance a little slower.

"Okay, I hated you. A lot. If I'm suddenly going to be honest here." Tony admits with a heavy sigh. "But I just needed a little time to figure things out. Especially after what happened between the Cap and I. I know he's your best friend and always has been, and admittedly, I was jealous when he resurfaced and pretty much took my place as head of our little Avengers Team."

Bucky can't help smirking a little, her eyes lighting up with pure amusement.

"But," Tony says sternly, shoots her a playful glare. "After I got over that, we actually became really good friends. And I know he's got Sam, and Nat, but I've never had that before. Someone I can just talk to, a friend. About work as well as all the other crap that friends talk about. And then, when he chose you over me, I gotta admit, I hurt. A lot." He frowns to himself as he adds, "More than I thought it would."

And there it is.

The new light that Bucky's been waiting to see him in. For him to finally open up to her. And she so doesn't deserve it, she knows that, but she's still really fucking grateful.

"Well, I know it's not the same situation, but I kinda get what you're talking about." Bucky says, explains a little further when he shoots her a curious look. "Sam's real close with Steve. I mean, I know we've known each other since the diaper days, but..."

"What?" Tony asks softly when she shakes her head after trailing off.

Bucky shrugs, biting her lip before huffing out her answer. "I'm still just a dame, y'know? I dunno, I guess I'm just a little jealous, 'cause I know Steve probably talks to Sam about all the things Steve would never even dream of talking to me about."

"Oh, what, you mean, like, sex?" Tony asks, ever blunt with his words. Worse than Natasha, really, which Bucky didn't think was even possible.

Bucky rolls her eyes, but can't help smiling. Of course, she's never been a prude herself, neither. "Among other things, yes." She admits with a solemn nod.

Tony smirks, can't help himself, can never help himself.

Meanwhile, Steve leans back on the bar as he sips rather daintily at his third brandy. Just because he can't get drunk, doesn't mean he has to drink like Natasha, as he so tells her whenever she makes fun of him.

And as always, Natasha bites back with, "Hey, I'm Russian, it's in my blood."

"Can you even get drunk?" Steve asks, though he smirks when he notices her slightly glazed over blue orbs.

"Well, I have to try a lot harder than your average person, but I don't have to try as hard as you do." Natasha says, then, mischievously adds, "Or Bucky. Speaking of Bucky -"

Steve cuts her off with a small, but clearly annoyed groan as well as a look of protest. "Will you please just leave it alone?"

"Now, why would I do that, Cappy?" Natasha smirks wickedly, her eyes twinkling, like the fricking Devil, Steve swears.

"Why wouldn't you?" Steve counters with a withering glare.

"'Cause I like seeing you squirm." Natasha grins like a fricking Cheshire cat.

"I don't squirm." Steve scowls, even as he shifts his weight from one foot to another.

Natasha simply chuckles while patting him on the back. "You squirm."

Steve shoots her a stern glare. "I don't squirm." He repeats his words just as sternly.

Natasha simply chuckles at him before walking behind the bar to pour herself vodka on the rocks.

"So, among other things," Tony bites back another grin as he continues. "What's the real reason that pretty noggin of yours is always sporting a monumental scowl? And don't get me wrong, I mean, it's a very good look for you. Sexy, even."

Bucky scoffs lightly, but chuckles out a thanks.

"Not at all." Tony says, then immediately delves into his next question. "Does it have anything to do with our dearest Capsicle?"

Bucky sighs, bites her bottom lip before rather reluctantly (because Tony Stark is neither subtle nor quiet) replying, "Like I said; he doesn't talk to me. Even when he tells me I can always talk to him, but I can't. I just... I feel like he's walking on eggshells around me. Like..." She gulps down the horrid lump in her throat and glares at the metal hand placed on Stark's shoulder. "Like when he looks at me, he sees something that he doesn't like."

"Or can't have." Tony mutters before he can even begin to think about retain himself.

Bucky shoots him a withering look. "Be serious, for a moment. Just for once."

"I am!" Tony persists slash tries to defend. "Okay," He sighs, feeling a little bad when she glares almost miserably up at him. "I admit, that little comment just slipped out, but I meant every word."

"You only said three." Bucky deadpans.

"Yes." Tony blinks, nods. "And I meant them."

Bucky can't help smirking with amusement. Somehow, Stark always seems to bring out her bantering side.

"Leaving so soon, Steve?" Natasha grins when he hops off of his stool.

"Nope." Steve smiles pleasantly as he calmly states, "I'm gonna go dance with my best girl."

Natasha smiles, clearly amused as she watches him leave the bar.

"Well, whatever. Think what you want, Buckaroo."

Bucky wrinkles her nose at the new nickname. "Did you just refer to me as a plastic donkey?"

"I did." Tony nods, looks totally serious as he adds, "What part of that annoys you the most? Is is being plastic? Or being a donkey?"

"What the heck have you been drinking?" Bucky asks, chuckling as she notices hid bloodshot eyes, not to mention the strong smell of alcohol.

"Uh, well, I've had four whiskeys', all doubles."

"Of course." Bucky smirks.

"Three tequila shots, about twelve buds and some of that disgustingly delicious green shit Nat brought over. God only knows what the fuck's in that." He says with wide eyes as he shakes his head.

"I think you need to go sit down, before you fall down." Bucky says with another chuckle.

Tony swings her around to the music and just in time to see America's golden boy striding ever gracefully towards them. "I think," He smirks as he swirls her around so that she's facing Rogers instead. "I was right."

Bucky quickly swallows down the lump in her throat, her heart racing nervously. She quickly holds her hands behind her back, hoping to conceal the metal as she stares up at him.

She mumbles out an equally nervous, "Hi." And then, winces at how pathetic she sounds to her own ears. 'Hi!? Oh, my God.'

"Hi." Because up close, Steve sees just how much more stunning she looks, how like her old self she looks.

She looks like the Bucky he first loved, but he loves her, no matter what, so it doesn't even matter to him.

"May I have the next dance, doll?" Steve says, quickly pulls himself together when he sees her staring anxiously down at her feet, which, he notes with an inward smile are covered in shiny, black heels and even more adorably, her toes are painted blue to match her beautiful dress.

Bucky's eyes meet his, her heart melting at his rather nervous smile and lightly tinted pink cheeks and she suddenly feels a surge of that old confidence she used to have. "Course, soldier." Even if her stupid voice doesn't make it passed a stupid breathless whisper.

"Oh, you two are just painful to watch." Tony groans very loudly (annoyingly) before stumbling off towards the bar.


	6. I'll Be Here When You Wake Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve gives one final nod of understanding before reaching down and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up this time."

THEN.  
_____

"Heads up, Cap."

Steve is grateful in that moment that he can multitask with precision as he both listens to Sam through his hidden earpiece and skims through the pages of Bucky's diary.

"German special forces approaching from the south." Sam informs him, voice steady, but clearly on edge from his rather exposed position.

"Understood." Steve replies absentmindedly.

He continues to flick through the diary, most of it being names, dates, places and other little memories she's written down in a hurry. However, he cant help smiling softly to himself when he reads the bit describing his "bright, blue eyes and golden hair."

Meanwhile, Bucky's heart is racing as she stands in the doorway and it only takes him a second to realise he's no longer alone. Then, her heart speeds up for an entirely different, more pleasant and distantly familiar reason when his eyes land on hers.

Steve gulps silently, slowly places the diary onto the kitchen table of her cheap and rather dingy Romanian apartment. "Do you know who I am?" He asks, voice somehow steady as he eyes her up and down briefly, checking her over for any injuries.

Bucky almost smiles at that, actually remembering that he would always do that whenever she came home from her late nights out back in the 30's. "You're Steve Rogers." She says, keeps her voice collected, somehow. "I read about you at the museum."

Steve's about to answer when Sam pipes up in his ear. "They've set the perimeter."

"I know you're nervous." Steve tells her when he notices her expression change, knows that she can hear Sam's voice. "And you have plenty of reason to be." He shoots her a meaningful look as he adds, "But you're lying."

Bucky almost raises a brow, because, huh, when did he get so intuitive. "I wasn't in Vienna." She says, because of course she knows why he's here, she's read the newspapers today. "I don't do that kinda thing anymore. That was HYDRA." She grunts out, almost glares at him. Calmly then, moves towards the living room window and peeks carefully between the blinds.

Of course she knows she's about to be ambushed. Because when you're a Winter Soldier, you pick up on things very quickly. Especially if people are trying to kill you.

"Cap, they're entering the building right now. You gotta get out, now." Sam pipes up, voice slightly panicked.

Steve stays calm, thanks to the serum, of course. "Well, the people who think you were in Vienna, they're on they way up here right now. And they don't plan on taking you alive if they can help it."

Bucky ignores the pleading look in his pretty, blue eyes by turning towards the hallway, readying herself. She counts down in her head as she replies, "That's smart. It's good strategy." She nods to herself in approval as she slowly takes the leather gloves off of her metal hand and calmly flexes it.

"They're on the roof! I'm compromised!" Sam yells before Steve hears gunfire. "Get outta there, now!!"

"Bucky, please. I can help you." Steve begs, not even bothering to hide that fact. "This doesn't have to end in another fight."

Bucky sighs, sounds almost defeated. "It always ends in a fight." She says as she pulls her cap down over her eyes and pulls her red hood over it, her keen ears already picking up the dozens of footsteps in the stairwell.

"Ten seconds!" Sam yells over his own gunfire.

"You pulled me from that river. You saved my life." Steve barks, tries to somehow snap her out of it.

Whatever this hell this is. He doesn't know what's going on here, but he believes her when she said it wasn't her. Because he knows her, better than anyone ever did, ever can.

"Why did you do that, Bucky?"

Bucky ignores her aching heart, simply stares at the front door at the ready as she replies, "I don't know."

And she can also hear Sam yelling, "Five seconds!"

"Yes, you do." Steve says with the utmost conviction, his eyes never leaving her.

Because of course he can tell she's lying, he always could. He knows that she remembers him. He has no idea how much she remembers or if she will ever regain all of her memories, but he is at least certain that she knows who he is. And not just from some stupid information board in some stupid museum.

"Breach!! Breach!! Get out!! Get out!!" Sam yells frantically.

It's oddly silent then, for all of three seconds and when the grenade strikes, Bucky's wide eyes connect with Steve's. They both think quickly, Bucky kicking it across the wooden floor before Steve places the shield over it.

It's all chaos from that point on as the launcher pierces the front door, and again, Bucky thinks quick, kicks the mattress up in front of her just in time to shield herself from the blow.

Steve moves to help her, but he's attacked from the window behind him.

Bucky growls, shoves the mattress aside and holds her metal hand up to deflect the first flow of bullets just in time.

As Steve throws off one of the officers from his shoulder, another opens fire and he quickly holds up the shield. He then barges the officer out of the way with the shield, causing him to go flying across the room.

Bucky's darts out into the stairwell and glares out in anger when she sees them coming from both ways. She darts back into the apartment, only to have the nearest window to her smash in. In her anger, she simply punches the officer hard in the face with her metal fist, knocking him unconscious as well as clear across the room.

Steve's catches her by the wrist as she makes her way to the balcony. "Buck, stop!" He snaps, the first time she's ever truly heard him demanding of her.

Bucky halts, barely glancing over her shoulder at him.

Steve's eyes soften slightly as he reasonably says, "You're gonna kill someone if you carry on like this."

Just in time, Bucky sees one of the officers gain conciseness before opening fire. She swirls around instantly, grabs Steve by the shoulder with her metal hand and slams him down onto the floor before the bullets can hit either of them.

Steve's surprised when he lands flat on his back before he hears gunfire. His eyes widen then, when she hauls up her metal fist and plunges forwards.

Bucky punches cleanly through the wood and all but rips out the large rucksack that she'd hidden underneath the moment she first arrived in this apartment.

Steve looks somewhat relieved, though, his heart is still racing.

Bucky stares back down at him, giving him one last look, as if taking in every detail. "I'm not gonna kill anyone ever again."

Steve then watches her dive off of the balcony, leaving him with only hope that he'll see her again.

+

NOW.  
_____

 

They used to dance like this all the time, back in the 30's. Steve mainly went along to humour her, and make sure she stayed out of trouble. But he did have fun sometimes.

Like when she shoo off any other males, take his hand instead and dance with him. They'd be in their own world, like they are tonight.

However, even though Steve's been in love with Bucky ever since he knew that's what it was, he never remembers it to be quite as intimate as it is for them tonight.

Steve places his hands on her slender waist, like he's done so many time and Bucky places her hands on his broad chest this time, instead of wrapping her arms around his skinny shoulders, like she did so all those years ago, but it's somehow both comfortingly familiar and achingly new. For them both.

"I haven't seen you in a dress since the 30's." Steve chuckles breathlessly, desperately trying to get rid of any awkwardness. "How did Nat manage to persuade you?"

Bucky bites nervously on her bottom lip before answering. "Just thought I'd give it a try." And totally (not) not because she wanted to dress up for him. "And I can't hide this forever." She adds, motioning to her metal limb.

"Well, I think you look stunning." Steve says rather confidently, then, looks slightly panicked as he adds, "Not that you don't always. I mean, you always look stunning to me. Even when you've just woken up, y'know?"

Bucky can't help chuckling, amused and rather happy to know that the great Captain America is still that same shy and sweet Brooklyn boy she's always known and loved.

"You know what I mean." Steve grumbles, a light blush dusting his stupidly perfect face.

"Not sure I do, no." Bucky teases, wears a playful smile.

Steve narrows his eyes at her, the pink blush turning to full blown red. "You're still a jerk, y'know? Even after ninety years."

Bucky chuckles, slaps his chest lightly with her fleshy right hand. "And you're still a punk."

Meanwhile, over at his bar, "Oh, my God. I'm throw up if I watch those two for another second." Tony groans as he turns away from the floor full of dancing couples, two disgustingly flirty in particular.

Natasha smirks as she continues to concoct the next cocktail.

Clint snorts as he plops down on the stool beside his iron-suited friend. "Nobody asked you to watch, ya pervert."

"Well, excuuuuse me, but they are in my humble abode." Tony states, well, slurs really.

"At a party you invited us all to." Sam states from his seat the opposite side of him.

"Okay, you know what? If you're all just gonna gang up on me -" Tony whines, but the others all groan in annoyance.

"Oh, my God! Give it up already!" Clint exclaims.

"Man, get over it." Sam shakes his head as he sips at his rakki and water.

"Change the record, Stark." Natasha shoots him a withering look as she chops up the limes.

Tony shoots her a pathetic glare.

"Mojito, anyone?" Natasha pipes up, wearing a grin as she places the large pitcher onto the bar.

"Fuck, yes." Sam hisses in delight, quickly downing the rest of his rakki.

"Isn't that a gay drink?" Clint asks, looks genuinely curious.

"I happen to like Mojitos." Tony says.

Sam laughs along with Clint, who confirms, "It's a gay drink."

"Fuck you both." Tony grunts.

"You're really not helping yourself." Natasha says, bites back a grin when Clint and Sam burst out laughing again.

+

For the first time since he woke up from his seventy year long, icy coma, Steve actually feels tired. He's drained, both physically and emotionally.

He takes a deep breath before walking into the room. He sees Bucky sitting on one of the beds, with one of the nurses checking her over. His heart almost stops when she spots him and smiles softly, like it always does whenever she smiles or even looks at him.

The nurse finishes what she's doing and walks off just as Steve slowly approaches and stands before the other supersoldier.

"Hey, Steve." Bucky shoots him a somewhat tired smile.

"Hey, Buck." Steve smiles back. "How ya doin'?"

"Not good, but... Not bad." Bucky offers a reassuring smile, though, it's for the both of them really.

Steve nods, silently swallows down the lump in his throat, because he knows this will be the last time he sees her for who even fricking knows how long!?

"It's gonna be okay, Steve. Either way." Bucky looks him in the eyes, sincere about that at least. "I'll be okay, 'cause I know you'll be okay. You always are." She smiles, taking real comfort in that knowledge. And it's more than she's had for years.

Steve can feel his eyes shining with tears as he nods again, but he doesn't dare let them fall. He wants to be strong for her, even when he doesn't really know if he can be. He already had to say goodbye to her once. And doing it all over again, even if she's still alive, is more than even Captain America can handle.

"Are you sure about this?" Steve finally manages to find his voice after needing a minute to compose himself.

"I can't trust my own mind." Bucky smiles sadly. "So, until they've figured out how to get the HYDRA stuff outta my head, I think it's safer for everyone if I just go back on the ice. Even for you, Steve."

Steve gives one final nod of understanding before reaching down and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up this time."

And knowing just that alone is enough for Bucky to stay on ice forever if need be.


	7. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know you."

THEN.  
_____

Bucky hadn't been allowed to feel anything at all, for a long time. But from the moment she was free of HYDRA, guilt had been her biggest emotion.

That, and nervousness. And of course, only out of habit of having to constantly look over her shoulder, while on her two year long run.

However, Bucky wished in this moment that she couldn't feel again, if not for just a moment. Because the way the iron man was looking at her right now, she wished the shiny floor of his lab would just open up and swallow her whole.

"Tony, is there gonna be a problem?" Steve asks, calmly.

Tony tears his eyes away from her with a huff. "No, no problem." He shakes his head, even when he grits the words out. "I just wanna get one thing straight, though;" He says, looking back at the smaller supersoldier. "I offered to do this, for free, might I add, for the Capsicle here," He motions to Steve. "Because we're friends. Good friends, in fact. But do not in any way think that that makes us friends. Ever."

"That's fine." Bucky says before Steve can open his mouth.

"Oh, good." Tony bites out smarmily. "Look, I am sorry that you were tortured into all the horrible things you've done, I truly am." His voice is shaky as he holds back his tears. "But you murdered my parents. And I... I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

"I understand." Bucky sighs, makes a quick decision that's best for them both. "So... Just forget about the arm."

"What?" Tony arches a brow, looks genuinely surprised.

Mainly because he's annoyed at himself because she's not really the monster he wishes just so he can feel okay with hating her.

"What!?" Steve scalds her. "Bucky -"

"It's not worth it. I'm not worth it." Bucky says, her voice surprisingly steady. "It's not what I came out of cryo for and it's certainly not worth me putting him through anymore shit than I already have. Plus, it's not as if I even really need it anyway. I'm still a supersoldier, I should do just fine."

Steve opens his mouth to argue, but Bucky quickly speaks up again.

"Thank you for the kind offer, Mr. Stark, but it's just too much... For the both of us." Bucky says before making a swift exit before either of them, mainly Steve, can change her mind.

"Thank you for that." Steve scowls at his friend.

"Well, you know me, Rogers - if I don't have it out there and then, I tend to bottle my emotions up and explode spectacularly at a later date." Tony replies smoothly as he saunters over to his glass desk and pulls up a hologram of the vibranium limb.

"Look, I understand why you said it, but you could have been a little less -"

"Less, what?" Tony snips as he turns to face the Captain. "Less honest? Less brash? Are you scared that I hurt your little girlfriend's feelings?" He scoffs loudly. "You heard her; she's a supersoldier. Who's been through a lot worse, I'm told. I think she'll get over it."

Steve glares at him and goes to open his mouth to retaliate as he stalks over, but he finally takes real notice of what his friend is doing. "What is that?"

Tony huffs, but answers anyway, always unable to control showing off his new inventions. "Your Miss Barnes' new arm. Vibranium made, same as your new and improved shield, thanks to yours truly. It's a lot lighter and obviously a lot stronger than that hunk of scrap metal HYDRA stuck to her. I decided to give her some of her little gadgets back - like the electrical charges at the tips of the fingers, or the death grip, which is my absolute favourite, seriously, she could probably give a good go as crushing the shield - you never know when that kinda shit might come in handy if she ever wants to get back in the field."

Steve looks slightly confused, but also amazed, because he still can't get used to how advanced technology is these days. "You never said anything before today. How long have you been working on this?"

"Eh, about three months, I think. I dunno, the days tend to blend together a lot when I'm in here doing my thing." Tony says as he moves a few of the pieces around. "I should be ready to start the prototype any day, now. Just need to fix a couple of things."

"But..." Steve is really confused, now. "You said..."

Tony sighs, both looks and sounds slightly defeated. "Look, I know what I said, alright?" He huffs, looks rather begrudging as he says the next words, "But if Barnes is really so important to you, which I know she is, because you practically protected her from the entire fricking world, a hundred and seventeen nations and all, then, she's important to me, too... Just, not as a friend... More as one of your priorities..."

And even with the slight insult at the end, Steve's still real touched by his words.

Because it isn't often that Tony Stark shares his emotions.

Pretty much never, in fact.

Tony sulks a little, and Steve simply smiles as he says, "Thank you, Tony. You really are a true friend."

"Yeah, yeah, let's not turn this into Brokeback Mountain."

"Oh, hey, I got that reference!" Steve cheers, gleefully proud of himself.

Tony wrinkles his nose. "I got nothing against homos, but that movie's weird."

"I think it's kinda sweet. A little weird, yeah. But still sweet."

Tony blinks, not even able to comprehend, let alone give a reply.

+

NOW.  
_____

Natasha smiles to herself, content and slightly (finally) drunk as she perches on the bar, her legs dangling rhythmlessly.

Clint is sat on his stool beside her, resting his head back on her left thigh as he slowly nurses his sixteenth beer.

Sam is sat beside the drunken Hawkeye, barely in better shape himself as he slouches forward on his stool, elbows rested on knees and right hand wearily clutching a glass of some green shit that he doesn't even remember pouring for himself.

Meanwhile, Wanda and Vision are sat at the other end of the arched bar, playing poker and drinking vodka. Wanda mainly wants to see if Vision can actually get drunk, and surprisingly, he feels a little giddy, he admits, Wanda laughing heartedly.

And then, there's Tony, still clad in his iron suit, passed out on one of the lavish couches, snoring loudly while every so often one of the party guests will snap a photo of him on their phones.

Natasha lets out a soft sigh as she sips daintily at her Mojito. "I'm really happy for them." Her smile widens as she watches the couple slowly swaying.

"Who, lil' Red and Vissy?" Clint slurs, grinning up at her, because he knows exactly who she's talking about. "Yeah, me, too. I mean, it's a little weird, if you ask me. But whatever floats their boats."

Natasha rolls her eyes and scoffs. "No. Well, I mean, yeah, good for them. But I was talking about Steve and Bucky, obviously."

"I don't know two people more deserving of a happy ending." Sam says, because after hating her a little bit for what she put Steve through, he's gotten to know her a lot better in the last five years.

"Right?" Natasha nods. "Steve thought the love of his life was dead, blamed himself for her death all those years." She gulps down the aching lump as she thinks of Bruce and says, "Even I couldn't handle something like that."

Clint and Sam share a look, and it's Clint that says, voice soft, "Still haven't heard from him, huh?"

Natasha sniffs back her tears and shakes her head in response before pouring herself another green shot.

"He'll call, girl." Sam pats her leg affectionately. "He'd be crazy not to."

Natasha laughs quietly. "That's kinda the problem."

"Well, hey, he's not alone, right?" Clint pipes up, ever optimistic. "I mean, aren't we all a little crazy here? I'd like to think it's what brings us altogether. In fact, I'll even drink to it." He says, holding up his glass.

"Man, you'd drink to anything." Sam says.

And Natasha can't help laughing at that.

+

THEN.  
_____

Bucky notices that Steve's been unusually quiet since the two of them boarded the jet. And with a slightly worried frown, she moves away from the window and slips into the seat beside his pilot one.

Steve doesn't say a thing, but Bucky can clearly see him in deep thought.

"What's gonna happen to your friends?" Bucky asks after a few more moments of silence.

Because she feels beyond awful, no matter what anybody (Steve) tells her.

Steve seems to hesitate before answering. "Whatever it is, I'll deal with it when the time comes for it." He says, voice annoyingly calm as always.

Bucky sighs, shaking her head. "I don't think I'm worth all of this chaos, Steve."

Steve gulps down the hurt when he hears the loss of hope in her tone. "What you did... What THEY made you do, for all of those years..." He shakes his head and glances over at her as he sincerely tells her, "That wasn't you, Buck. I know you. You didn't have a choice in any of it."

"But I did do it." Bucky says after a moment of consideration, looks rather beat. "I tried to tell myself just that, a lot." She chuckles bitterly. "But I did do it. All of it. And I remember every single on of their faces."

"Bucky -"

"I'm not you, Steve." Bucky cuts him off, because she needs to get this out right now before she chickens out, again.

Steve frowns.

"You would never have given in to them, like I did."

"You don't know that."

Bucky smiles faintly at his persistence, defiance. "I know you."

Steve shoots her a withering look. Damn her.


	8. Asleep For 3 Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve been asleep for three years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's been so long. But stupid life gets in my way.
> 
> Enjoy?

THEN.

“Hey, Cap.” Sam greets his friend as they meet in the corridor halfway, his dark chocolate orbs then lighting up when he spots what’s in the Captain's hands. “Ohhh, hey, donuts!”

“Hands off.” Steve chides, like an irritated mother. “These are for Buck.”

Sam pouts slightly as Steve pulls the pink box just put of reach. “Man, you spoil her.” He chuckles lightly. “So what about your other best friend?” He whines, pointing at thumb at himself.

“Fine.” Steve rolls his eyes, but relents with a defeated huff. “But just one.” He says, slowly pulling the lid open. “And not the strawberry jam one!”

Sam arches a brow at his panicked tone.

“It’s her favourite...” Steve says, a light pink blush dusting his cheeks as he adds, “A-and it was the only left.”

Sam huffs and rolls his eyes, but fights back an amused smirk. He reaches for the chocolate glazed one instead, his mouth watering just from the fresh smell.

Steve carefully shuts the box back up, smiling in amusement as he watches his friend take a large bite out of the pastry. “Good?” He asks with clear humour.

“Oh, yeah.” Sam nods eagerly. “Thanks, man.” He holds up his steaming mug of coffee in the other hand, as if toasting a thanks.

Steve merely chuckles with a shake of his head. “I better get back. I said I’d be back in an hour.” He frowns as he checks his wrist watch, seeing that two hours have passed instead. “How’s she been?”

He hasn’t left Bucky alone since she came out of cryo, just five days ago. And even though she had said it was fine, of course he's still worried about her.

His girl. His Bucky.

“She’s, uh,” Sam quickly clears his mouth and throat. “She’s just been real quiet, yeah. I mean, I poked my head around the door a couple of times, and she seemed all right to me. But I dunno, man, you know her best, y'know.”

“Yeah.” Steve sighs with a nod. “Well, thanks for watching over her for me.”

“Yeah. No problem. You’ve more than paid off your debt with this chocolate baby.” Sam sighs dreamily as he takes another bite.

+  
MEANWHILE.

Tony downs the last bit of his brandy, then pours himself another and he’ll blame his inebriated state for not noticing sooner that he isn’t alone anymore.

“Hello, Tony.”

Tony jumps, having been caught off guard and turns around in his seat on the plush white leather couch to see his best – his ex-best friend standing only a few feet away.

“I see you haven’t changed much.” Rhodey smirks, motioning towards the near empty bottle of brandy on the glass coffee table.

“How’d you get in here?” Tony asks, wearing a glare as the other man walks over to him and sits calmly down on the opposite couch.

“I have my ways.” Rhodey grins.

Tony scoffs. “Meaning, you hacked my system and threatened Pepper.” He also adds with a dark glare, “If you hurt her –“

Rhodey rolls his eyes and cuts him off. “She’s fine. I told her to wait downstairs, because I wanted to talk to you in private.”

“Oh, yeah? About what, exactly?” Tony asks with the utmost disinterest showing in both his tone of voice and facial expression.

“About Jamie Barnes.”

Tony freezes for a millisecond, but Rhodey sees it, because even after everything, he was still his best friend once, and he still knows pretty much everything about him.

“I know that you’ve been hiding her up your little Avengers fortress.” Rhodey says as a matter of fact as he leans forward and snatches up Tony's half empty glass for himself.

“Is that right?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Rhodey hums with a nod as swallows the rest of the drink and places the glass back down on the table. “I just don’t know why that is.” He says, shoots the older man a confused look. “This woman violently murdered your parents in cold blood.”

Tony's breath hitches at that statement – at that fact. “I haven't forgotten.” He huffs, leaning forward to pour himself another, straight up, like he has done all night.

“And you just what? Let her into life, into your home, like it’s nothing.” Rhodey shakes his head.

“It’s not that simple.” Tony shakes his head as he takes a large gulp of the liquid, enjoying the burn it gives his throat and the warmth it spreads through his chest.

Rhodey scoffs loudly and leans back in his seat. “Sounds pretty simple to me.”

“I’m sorry, were your parents murdered by a brainwashed supersoldier assassin? I don’t think so. So please do forgive me if I don’t seem to give a shit what you think!” Tony finally snaps, hisses with a rather chaotic glare stretched across his brow.

Rhodey simply arches a brow at the outburst.

Tony huffs loudly, leaning back in his own seat and running his hands over his tired face. “I’m not saying I forgive her, but I know a little something about being forced to do bad things. Especially when my loved ones are used against me.” He adds that last part with a pointed glare.

Rhodey smirks, but holds up both hands in surrender before leaning forward with a more serious look on his face. “I’m not here for a fight.”

“Then why are you here?”

“For your help. We want her back; the Winter Soldier.”

“We,” which Tony knows is really just HYDRA.

Everything is always fucking HYDRA!

“And why would I help you?” Tony arches a brow.

“Because you said it yourself; you could never forgive her. No matter how much you try. And that’s okay. You’re only human. Just like the rest of us.”

Tony actually thinks about it, and again he blames that on the booze. “No.” He finally shakes his head. “No, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

“Why not?” It’s Rhodey's turn to arch a brow.

“Because Steve is still my friend.” Tony scowls, then adds with another glare, “Unlike you.”

Rhodey rolls his eyes at that. “What if I told you he’d never even know you were ever involved?”

And damn, Tony really needs to stop drinking so much, because his intrigue peaks at that, no matter how hard he tries to deny it.

+

Back up at the Avengers tower, Steve closes the door to his apartment, donut box still in hand as he makes his way towards his bedroom, where he left her. He knocks, waiting for her quiet “come in” before entering silently, ever the stealthy supersoldier. 

However, he doesn’t get a reply at all this time around and concern instantly fills him.

“Bucky?” He calls out to her and still nothing.

After a few moments, Steve grows impatient through his concern and opens the door immediately. His eyes widen a little, his heart racing slightly, too as he sees her standing calmly at the large window, just staring rather vacantly out to the Sun bathed city.

Steve slowly walks to the bed and places the donut box down before carefully making his way over to the ex Winter Soldier.

He looks at her completely blank expression, at her entire statuesque profile and can’t help feeling a little spooked by how catatonic she seems.

Thankfully, T'Challa’s doctors warned him that this could be a “minor” issue for a while. So at least he’s (a little) prepared.

“Buck, I brought donuts.” Steve says, smiling half hearted. “I got your favourite.”

Still, nothing and Bucky continues to stare out of the window, not moving a muscle, not even blinking, Steve suddenly notices.

He moves closer, now standing right in front of her, and finally she moves her head, slowly rises it to look up at him.

Steve reels slightly from the sudden flurry of emotions in her iron light blue orbs, something he knows she only ever reserves for him, because Bucky really isn’t known for sharing her feelings, not like Steve.

“Hey,” His voice is soft as he says, “I’m not gonna say that I know what you’re goin’ through, ‘cause I don’t,” He says, adding with the utmost sincerity, “But I am gonna help you get through this. I’m gonna be there every step of the way. You’re not alone, Buck. I’m never gonna leave you alone again, okay?”

Bucky silently gulps back the forever aching lump in her throat, but manages a minute nod at least.

Steve offers a small smile and sort of nod of relief. Then, he glances down to her right (fleshy) hand and finally addresses the so-called elephant in the room. “But first of all, I need you to gimme that knife.”

Bucky jumps ever so slightly, Steve notices, as if suddenly realising that she’s actually holding something. Her gaze slowly trails down to the large and rather sharp steak knife, her knuckles having turned white from gripping so hard.

Steve watches her carefully, hating himself for being so cautious of her. After all, she still is the Winter Soldier. Who is still trigger prone to active, if anyone with those special words so desired it. Which is why she’s “in the care of Captain America,” as Clint so graciously put it.

Buck’s eyes seem to glaze over again, just for a moment. However, this time, she finds the strength to shake it off. Slowly her metal hand reaches for the blade itself before she lets go with her fleshy hand and holds the handle end out to him.

Steve's shoulders relax in relief as he carefully takes the knife from her and tucks it in his belt behind him. “You should be resting.” He tells her, voice soft, brow strewn with worry, as always.

“I’ve been asleep for three years.” Bucky finally finds her voice, even it’s low and rather throaty from being out of use for so long.

Steve, however (inappropriately,) tries not to think of how good it sounds. How... Sexy it sounds.

“You rest.” Bucky says, even though she really does feel drained. Not having to use your muscle for three years will do that to a girl.


End file.
